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The "Take"

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Over Thirty? Don't Twitter!

With apologies to Larry King...

How did civilization survive without Zaget guides?...Kind of depressed that "Mad Men" is finished for the year. Best show on TV... You can keep winter, spring and summer. I'll take fall any day...They installed these new parking meters in my neighborhood that take credit cards. And a red light that blinks on and off when your two hours are done. And a shrill whistle to notify the parking meter jerks. What next? Cameras at intersections?... It never surprises me when Billy Joel gets divorced...The air is just a little bit fresher and the sun shines a little bit brighter when the Yankees win the World Series... Whenever I go to the supermarket, I always get the cart with the bad wheel. What's up with that?...

Does anybody have a subscription to People magazine other than dentists?...Whenever I turn on The Weather Channel to get the latest forecast, they're always showing a special on tornadoes instead... What gives with these anti-abortionists? Let me get this straight. They'd rather deny health care for the living if they can't protect frozen embryos. I don't think that's pro-life... If you're having seafood jambalaya, count me in... The SEC is the most overrated conference in college football. The refs are obviously cheating to protect the big three teams so they can go to BCS Bowls. Screw them... I think Obama's doing a pretty good job but he better start cracking the whip on those republicans... "Drag Me To Hell" is the feel good movie of the year...

If I open a pint of Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream, it's gone in about an hour... Over thirty? Don't twitter! Nobody cares and people are laughing at you behind your back... So Rupert Murdoch thinks that President Obama is a racist. And the Murdoch owned New York Post says it's "goal is to destroy Barack Obama. We don't want him to succeed." If you watch or read anything from Rupert's ministry of propaganda, you're a chump... For my money, the Sharp 52inch LED TV is far and away the best HDTV on the market (Yes this is a shameless plug. I mentioned underarm deodorant in a column a few months back and the deodorant association sent me a free case so I'm aiming higher)... I'm getting the feeling that Sarah Palin and Glen Beck's fifteen minutes are almost up...Have you ever seen someone order a pizza with pineapple and ham? Why does every pizzeria have it on the menu?...

You don't see too many people filling their Hummers with premium nowadays...If you look up Spineless-traitor-piece-of-s***-a**h*** in the dictionary, you'll find a picture of Joe Lieberman... Count on some idiot burning down his house while trying to deep fry a turkey this Thanksgiving...Haven't heard anything new from Amy Winehouse. Is she out on parole yet?... Those wimps in the SEC should schedule some real opponents in their non-conference games instead of creampuffs like Southwestern Georgia Teachers Community College For The Deaf... If you're looking for a great holiday gift check out Stu Kreisman's "Dick Cheney's Diary" at Amazon and Barnes & Noble. A real page-turner...

Does anybody really believe that Howie Mandel is the least bit entertaining? How does this guy keep working?... Sinus infections are the worst... Those Tea Baggers are nuts I tell ya. Nuts!... That redhead on "Mad Men" is a real babe. You know the one I'm talking about... I don't think republicans are too crazy about the Blacks. Or the Latinos. Or the Jews. Or the people who live outside the south ... Extra fee for baggage on the airlines? I think not... You know who deserves a Nobel Peace Prize? Hockey refs...I don't miss George W. as much as I thought I would... Cuban sandwiches? Muy bueno!

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