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The "Take"

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Lifestyles of the Super-Rich & Famous

With all the news recently about the widening gap between the haves and the have not's, I thought I thought I'd share with you one person's foray into the land of the super-rich.

I once worked for the all-powerful, all-extravagant producer Aaron Spelling. For those of you who don't remember him, Spelling was the producer of such prime time shows as "Charlie's Angels", "Dallas" "Beverly Hills 90210" "Dynasty" and "Fantasy Island" to name just a few. Just a few! Whew! If I had produced just one, I would have retired for life at age thirty on my own private island.

Of course those shows made Spelling one of the wealthiest persons in Hollywood, and that's quite an achievement. He was also noted for his extravagance, as I witnessed first-hand when upon our first meeting in his office, he allowed me to play with his brand new toy, a customized pinball machine complete with solid gold flippers and balls. (When you hit a high score, one of his actresses like Farrah Fawcett, would appear on the video screen and coo how wonderful you are. True.)

He was also famous for his legendary mansion in the Holmby Hills section of Los Angeles. He bought the lot where the home of Bing Crosby once stood and built a 123-room mansion, which is still considered to be the largest single family dwelling in Los Angeles, and the low rent districts of Dubai. The construction of the home was covered extensively in the media, especially when Spelling's wife requested a local department store remove it's neon identification sign from its building because the Spellings could see it from their bedroom. Hell, they could have seen every neon sign south to the Mexican boarder from that monstrosity.

As luck would have it, I ended up producing a network sitcom for Aaron. As one of the perks of being high up in his employ, I was invited to a meeting with the man himself at his legendary home.

My writing partner and I arrived after going through numerous security checkpoints. There were dozens of security officers hidden on the grounds, but the ones most visible were on guard on the roof of the home, with automatic rifles at the ready. We entered and Aaron gave us the royal tour. He had his personal bowling alley, a room made up to look like an old time diner that he said served guests ice cream and soda when they were invited to watch "Monday Night Football." (Where was the chicken farm that produced the hot wings?) There was a separate room for his wife's enormous doll collection and another just used to wrap gifts. There was also the living room, which doubled as a screening room. At the flick of a switch, the curtains were drawn and an enormous movie screen emerged from the floor, not stopping until it reached the ceiling. We're talking Imax-sized, folks. Needless to say, I was impressed and also taking mental notes to tell everyone who was waiting with bated breath to hear my report of the infamous mansion on the hill.

We held our meeting in a library, which contained a floor-to-ceiling collection of every script of every show that he produced. Then it was time to go. Aaron walked us to the vestibule. As we were about to leave, I noticed a small table next to the front door. It was the type of table that most people have when you enter the home, a place to drop the keys or the mail or keep the leash for the dog. However what caught my eye was a small canvas with an oil painting of a rose that was propped up, unframed amid the pocket junk the family had deposited on the table. The canvas was about six by eight inches. I looked at the signature on the canvas. It read "Monet."

"What's with the painting?" I asked. Spelling shrugged and told us it was nothing really. Just a little something that he got for his wife for her anniversary a few years ago. Seems he always got her roses and this time he decided to get her a painting of a rose instead. "But it's a Monet," I said. Spelling put on his glasses and peered down at the little picture. "You're right. I forgot about that" he chuckled. Now that's a very nice story but let's remember that this Monet happened to be sitting on the table where the couple's Bed, Bath & Beyond coupons are thrown. That's when the absurdity of it all hit me. The doll room, the IMAX-sized movie screen and the rest seemed Hollywood-Mogul normal to me, but a painting by a master just lying around was too much. Museums would kill for that little painting, yet it was considered just a sentimental knick-knack by the Spellings.

I was very depressed as I left the home under the watchful eye of the sharpshooters on the roof. The gunmen were on the roof because; I found out later, he was constantly in fear of one of his children being kidnapped. The security guys watched us very carefully, making sure we hadn't smuggled out a stray gold bar or two under our jackets. What a way to live.

I guess there are a lot of super-rich who have household clutter like Monets piling up in the hall closet. My closets are cluttered with old copies of National Lampoon Magazine. I hope Aaron Spelling got as much joy from his Monet as I do with my old Lampoons. But I doubt it.

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