Notes From The Floor Regarding The Olympics

I screwed up my lower back last week and my doctor told me that I have to lie down and ice it. Unfortunately just when it was getting better, I lifted a 40-pound Sparkletts water bottle, reinjured it and I'm now spending my second week on the floor icing it. Since there's really nothing to do but wait while you're on the floor, I've decided to watch some of the Olympics on NBC and it's sister stations USA, CNBC and MSNBC.

However since NBC insists on not showing the games live on the west coast, I don't watch it at night. The stuff Dick Ebersol is peddling off are not athletic events, they're entertainment. Any "sport" that can be re-packaged to make it more dramatic than it was is not a sport in my book. NBC is showing a two-week soap opera with lots of commercials. If I want to know what Apollo Ono did, I can turn on ESPN and see how he did without the agony of watching NBC's four-hour theatrics. And another thing. Snowboarding is not a sport! I hated snowboarders when I used to ski and don't consider them Olympians now. They're pests. Snowboarding is an X-Games reject. What next? Olympic Madden Football? And another thing. Any sport where the competitors spend as much time with their costumer as their coach is not a sport. Yes, I'm talking about figure skating. I saw a picture of some guy draped in chiffon and wearing roses in his hair. He looked like Scarlett O'Hara in "Gone With The Wind." Apparently he was upset that an announcer questioned his masculinity. Gee. I also saw another pair who skated their program as a salute to India. This is a sport? Comeon, it's "Dancing With The Stars." And as far as NBC boasting about its ratings, lets remember that the other networks have taken these two weeks off and are filling their prime time schedule with repeats of "Father Knows Best." So much for the Ebersol magic touch. The prime time shows are drawing about the same audience as "CSI" And the numbnuts at NBC paid over $800 million for the rights to show this clusterf**k of commercials.

Now that I've got that off my chest...

I love curling. It's shown live! It's really a cool sport. It's part shuffleboard, part chess, part hockey and part bowling. It's too complicated to explain but I'm hooked. I even went online to check out the rules so I could gain a keener insight to the sport. The Americans stink at curling. The captain of the men's team choked not once, not twice, not three times but four times in a row blowing games to opponents.

Most of the Americans are from Minnesota and Wisconsin, so overhearing them discuss strategy is like watching a scene from "Fargo." After you throw the "rock" the thrower directs their teammates to sweep the ice in front of it to make it curl or go faster. They do this by yelling combinations of "Hard! Harder! Fast! Faster! Whoa!" This is especially fun to watch when the women play. It sounds like the Playboy Channel. No wonder everybody loves curling. Especially when Cheryl Bernard, captain of the Canadian women's team plays. She sure can curl and is real easy on the eyes. (As I type this, I can't believe how much I now know about curling. It disturbs me.)

I also watch hockey. A great sport. Watching a hard-hitting game (Especially in the NHL playoffs) is a Zen-like experience. Since hockey is a real sport, it has been relegated to the outhouse known as live sports on CNBC. As I write this, the Americans and the Canadians are on a collision course for the gold medal. Two days ago, I gave up boycotting taped events to try to watch the United States/Switzerland quarterfinal. Even though it was during the day it was televised on NBC, so naturally it was on tape. After two periods the US was up 1-0. A great game. Since the Canada/Russia match was starting on MSNBC, I switched over during the second intermission of the US game. No sooner had I turned channels when the MSNBC announcers told me the outcome of the US game. No reason to watch the rest of the American game now. Thanks alot NBC. They're handling these games with the deft aplomb they handled the Leno/Conan thing. Morons, simply morons.

The US women's team lost to the Canadians for the gold medal. The women's games were just as exciting as the men's and just as hard hitting. Apparently after the crowd had left, the Canadian women celebrated their win by drinking beer and champagne and smoking cigars on the ice. A lot of people up in Canada are upset about that. Comeon folks, they played their guts out and won a gold medal. Give them a little slack.

(By the way, since I was forced to watch NBC for the first half of the US game I saw a promo for one of their new shows. It's fat guys playing beer pong for a million dollars. This is what the once mighty NBC has become? Thank God I'm out of the television business.)

Well, gotta go lie down and ice my back. Besides the United States men's hockey quarterfinals is on at noon. And Cheryl Bernard is leading the Canadian women's curling team in the finals against China at three.

I've got to get a life.

Tiger's Apology: Well That Was Uncomfortable

Tiger Wood's carefully staged apology is more than an hour old, yet most of the cable news networks are still "debating" the pros and cons of his sincerity.

I felt uncomfortable watching it. Perhaps it was the staging, which gave it the gravitas of a Presidential Proclamation. The "audience" was made up of his mother and other close friends. They watched in total silence as Tiger apologized for his past discressions. It just felt very... unsettling.

Now first off, I'm a Tiger Woods fan. I root for him when he plays golf. What he does in his private life is his and his wife's business. I do believe that he acted like an entitled man-child with all his sexual escapades. He seems selfish and very full of himself, so today's apology couldn't have been easy. That being said, I get the feeling that the real reason for today's speech was more about the corporate Tiger than the personal.

Tiger's business endorsements have taken a major hit during the past months. Multi-national corporations are the life's blood of the PGA. Just watch fifteen minutes of any event on TV. All the commercials are banks, investment corporations and high-end big-ticket items. Large corporations, many of which have recently had their own public relations problems, sponsor almost all of the tournaments. It is a sport not meant for the masses, but for the upper class. The loss of Tiger Woods who for many humanized golf, has been devastating for the sport.

Here in Los Angeles, the annual tournament at the Rivera Country Club has been sponsored by Northern Trust, a money management institution. Before Northern Trust took over, Nissan sponsored the tournament. Tickets went for about $20 to $25 dollars a day for the public. Enormous crowds. This year Northern Trust raised the ticket prices to $50, a ridiculous price to watch a tournament in this economy. Naturally, attendance was way down, as were golf ratings in general no doubt to the absence of Woods. With the public's newfound animosity toward corporate life, golf is in danger of falling off the radar.

While I believe that Wood's apology to his wife was sincere, I got the feeling that the reason for the staged speech was to assure the corporate world that all will be well. Don't abandon me yet. As I write this Nike and other sponsors are issuing statements of support for Tiger. They have no intention of abandoning him or the sport. I guess that's what made me so uncomfortable watching him. It was about business.

Two days ago economic figures came out showing that the stimulus bill worked and a depression was avoided thanks to President Obama's leadership. Job losses are within a month or so from becoming job gains. The tax cuts on 95% of Americans are working. Yet most Americans believe that President Obama has done nothing and don't realize that their taxes have been cut. That night, Diane Sawyer's ABC network newscast spent the first six minutes on the news that Tiger Woods was going to issue a statement in two days. Why is President Obama having trouble messaging with the public? Obviously the mainstream media cares more about the corporate world of the PGA than the reality of our economic landscape. It's all about celebrity.

I wish Tiger Woods and his wife well and hope things get worked out between them. However I don't really want to hear a blow-by-blow account of how it's going between them. But we will. The Diane Sawyers, CNNs and the rest of the media will make sure of it. Maybe that's why I was so uncomfortable watching Tiger this morning. After all, the mainstream media is run by the same corporate giants that sponsor the PGA. Perhaps that's why the statement was deemed so important that all three major networks broadcast it live. Way too incestuous for me.

Maybe I've become way to cynical about the media's motives, but I somehow doubt it. As for Tiger, hope to see you on the links when you're ready.

The Snowpocalypse and Me

I just returned from a quick two-day business/pleasure trip to New York, which happened to coincide with the "Blizzard Of The Century." I booked it a few weeks ago before the groundhog saw his shadow and damned everyone to six more weeks of living hell. Despite all the dire warnings from CNN, The Weather Channel and every other media outlet, I had had no intention of staying home.

About two days before leaving, I started getting phone calls from someone who will go unnamed on this blog (His initials are GK) who told me to rethink my trip. I don't know what I'm in for. This storm is going to leave psychological scars that will last a lifetime. Another friend was much calmer and saner as we discussed whether I should bring boots or not. Since I only use carry on luggage and the boots from my skiing days would have taken up three quarters of the space, I decided to brave it and just wear my dress sneakers.

I arrived Tuesday around 3PM. It was cloudy but clear. So far, so good. I called GK when I landed and he told me he was canceling our get-together in NYC because the massive storm that was arriving was going to be even more massive. He was going out to buy batteries, bread and penicillin, then gather the family and hide in the basement.

I took the subway in from Kennedy (Trust me. The BEST way to travel to the airport. Only five bucks instead of a cab ride that would cost at least seventy.) My hotel was only one block from the subway station. It was cold but hey, it's winter. No big deal. I checked in and turned on the TV. All the local stations were in full panic mode. "It's Coming!" "Stay Home!" "If you have to travel, for God sakes DO IT NOW!" Mayor Bloomberg held a press conference telling citizens to panic. Grown anchors wept.

I went out to dinner that night with my much calmer friend. Although I did get some stares from the Maitre'd when he saw my sneakers, we had a wonderful time. As we left the restaurant about ten-thirty, a light rain was falling. No big deal.

The next morning I looked out the window and there were about four inches of snow on the ground. Hardly anybody walking around the streets. I turned on the TV and the anchors were warning that the worst was still to come. "Get out of the city!!!" "Horde everything!" "Buses and trains are going to stop running at three so if you're still in the city, you'll have no one to blame but yourself!"

I went to my first meeting at breakfast. Luckily the person I was seeing lived in Manhattan. However the restaurant, which is usually pretty full at this time, was almost empty. Then I went to my second meeting. Apparently some of the people there had tempted fate and come in from the outer boroughs and Long Island. I don't think they were totally concentrating because they were constantly checking their watches and obviously had to flee Manhattan by noon.

When I left the second meeting, the snow was coming down harder. The wind was really bad. If you turned a corner onto a street where the wind was blowing into your face, it felt like thousands of needles puncturing the skin. My sneakers were still holding up, though my pant legs were soaked. Being the experienced traveler that I am, I had the foresight to bring another pair of pants. Back at the hotel I turned on the TV, which was now wall-to-wall coverage. "Eye Of The Storm!" "Blizzard Central!" "The Really, Really Worst Storm Ever And We're Not Kidding!" The snowstorm had it's own theme music so I knew this must be serious. Reporters were interviewing hysterical people at Penn Station who had missed the noon trains to New Jersey. Anchors were distraught. "Although the snow was letting up, don't let it fool you!" "This is just a lull. The worst is yet to come!" "Stay indoors! The only reason I'm outside reporting is because it's my job, damnnit!" "If I never see my wife and kids, tell them I love them!"

Around two the snow really started coming down. It was a whiteout. So naturally that's when I decided to take a walk around the neighborhood. Times Square was almost deserted. In fact the only people out were tourists like me. We were having a blast. My hotel was near the David Letterman studio. As I walked past, there were six Siberian Huskies barking as they were being hooked up to a dog sled. The idea, which I found out latter, was to have Dave drive the dogsled down 53rd street. Unfortunately the street was recently plowed and they had to scrap the idea, but at least I snapped a great picture of the dog sled team on Broadway.

I decided to go to the Rangers game at Madison Square Garden which was still on. It was so cold and snowy that even the scalpers had gone home. Bought an overpriced ticket. It turns out this was the first non-sellout for the Rangers in five years. The concession stands rewarded those brave enough to watch the listless Rangers lose to Nashville by selling all food and drinks for 25% off. So the $8.50 hot dogs were going for two bucks less. Instead of being a huge rip off, they were now just a regular rip off. The papers the next day said there were over 13,000 at the game. A bit of an exaggeration. I'd say the Garden was a little less than half full which made it easier to sneak down to the real expensive seats.

Got back to the hotel where the TV folks told us that the storm was winding down but it's still not over yet! "Tomorrow will be worse!" "Ice! Everywhere ice!!" "For the love of God, wear boots or better yet, spikes that you can wrap around your boots! If you don't have the spikes you're out of luck because all the places that sell them are unreachable and closed!"

The next morning I walked very carefully the one block to the subway station. The sidewalks were plowed and sanded. I didn't slip on the ice. Took the subway back to Kennedy. The plane left the gate on time. We sat on the runway for about an hour and our pilot explained to us that the hold up was because there was only one runway open, there were extra planes making up for yesterday's cancelled flights and oh, there was an emergency landing taking place. Everybody on the plane had great stories to tell about what they did during the storm. They got to see sold out Broadway shows, went to the opera, did things they normally wouldn't have been able to do and basically had their run of the city.

(By the way, for those of you who are familiar with my tirades against the airline industry, I finally one that I love. Virgin America. They do everything right. The people are nice. They even convinced me to check my carry on bag at the gate. It's an a**hole free company unlike Greyhound and "The Airline That Must Not Be Named.")

We had an hour's flight time added to our trip because instead of flying directly to Los Angeles, we went by way of Manitoba, Canada because of all the nasty weather in the Midwest. I feel sorry for the people in the Midwest who were going through a rough winter, but not for the idiots in Oklahoma who somehow let all the cowfarts affect their brains and elect climate change denier James Inhofe to the senate. "Gee, what global warming?" "If it's so cold, then what's crazy Al Gore screaming about?" Listen you nimrods. Global warming doesn't just mean heat. It's the reason there are bigger blizzards, hurricanes and tornadoes. Obviously you're too stupid to wrap your simple minds around that idea because you're too busy stuffing your faces with fried pork rinds. And while I'm at it, to hell with Texas, too. Thanks to Houston-based Enron, you destroyed the economy of California, which let to the destruction of the entire nation. Go ahead and secede. We don't care. Take your revised bible quoting history books and shove 'em where the sun don't shine. Oh, I forgot. The sun isn't shining because you're in the midst of huge blizzard. Gee, tough. So go ahead and secede and take Sarah Palin with you. Make her your President and see how fast she turns Dallas into a third world city. And being a climate denier, hopefully she'll take a walk in the sub-freezing weather and end up like Jack Nicholson at the end of "The Shining" with the freshly written crib notes to her inaugural address printed clearly on her blue, frozen hand. And about those ridiculous hats, you know what they really represent...

I digress. Where was I? Oh yeah. The flight. When we landed in LA, it was in the mid sixties. The forecast is for temperatures to rise into the high 70s and maybe into the 80s this weekend. I think I like it better out here. The worst part of the snowpocalypse was the anticipation and build up. The media really scared a lot of people. What I like about California is we have no warnings or media hysterics. The earth suddenly moves under our feet and we look at each other and say "Uh oh." I like the surprise approach much better. It's easier on the stomach.

All in all, Central Park ended up with about 11 inches of snow. New Jersey got around 16. Long Island the same. I came back with a lot of good memories and a Yankee toque that saved my ears from frostbite. I feel sorry for the folks down in Washington, Baltimore, and Philadelphia because they really got slammed and there's more on the way this weekend. I hope the storm somehow makes a U-turn and heads straight back to Oklahoma and Texas. Start stockpiling those fried pork rinds, ya'all.

Basketball and Common Sense

There was a time in basketball when a lesser team could try to even the odds of winning by eating up the clock or stalling. When playing a better team, the lesser team would get the ball and just stand there doing nothing. Dribble for a few minutes, pass the ball and dribble again. Unless the other team stole the ball, or the lesser team finally took a shot, this would decrease the chances that the better team would score. This tactic frustrates the better team and made for terrible basketball.

In order to combat this boring form of "play," basketball introduced a shot clock, a predetermined amount of time that a team can hold onto possession without shooting. The powers that be were smart enough to see the tactic was ruining the game and they changed the rules. In the pros, it's 24 seconds. In college it's 35 seconds. Even in high school, seven states now have rules that force teams to shoot baskets.

What we're seeing in the United Stages Senate is the stall. Whenever the republicans get the chance, they stand there dribbling or holding the ball, refusing to take a chance and shoot. Be it adding time consuming amendments to the Healthcare bill, putting holds on judges and Presidential appointees or holding up passage of bills with procedural tricks, they've stopped or stalled almost any progress that would benefit the public.

Now comes word that the republicans are going to filibuster President Obama's jobs bill. Hopefully Harry Reid will call their bluff and make the repubs stall in public on the floor of the senate, while the American people can see for themselves who's really not working or their interests.

Basketball has almost rid itself entirely of the stall. It didn't work. It alienated fans and made for poor games. It masked bad teams by bringing the good teams down to their level. Time for Harry Reid and the White House to take a cue from the NBA and change the rules of the filibuster.

Basketball is only a game. Healthcare, jobs and governing are not.

Blame It On Bush

John McCain and the rest of the republicans seem to have their panties in a twist because President Barack Obama mentioned during last night's State Of the Union that when he entered office in January 2009, he was handed a federal debt of over 3 trillion dollars. That debt was due to the incompetence of one George W. Bush. W. took a country that had a surplus if 1.9 trillion and went out and spent 4.9 trillion dollars that he didn't have.

Oh, and let's not forget that Bush left two wars that were mismanaged and one that was started under false pretenses on Obama's doorstep. And a dysfunctional Supreme Court. And a banking system on the brink of total failure. And a bureaucracy filled with career right wing fanatics bent on destroying Obama's agenda rather than do their jobs and work for the American public. And a populace scarred by eight years of hate speech and scare tactics. And he ignored the warning signals of 9/11 and then used the deaths of Americans to consolidate more power for himself. And he ignored the destruction of New Orleans while he went fundraising. And he put millions out of work. And millions more lost their life savings to health insurers. And he funneled billions of tax dollars to his friends. And he sent the military to war with inferior equiptment. And he turned America from a superpower to a laughing stock. And he created tens of thousands of terrorists who will try to wreck havoc on America for the next generation. And he gave us the Cheney family. And on and on and on.... Well, you get the idea.

So to McCain and the rest of his little gang of inept, spiteful "patriots," here's the answer to their question "When will everyone stop blaming Bush for all the problems facing America?"

Probably in about one hundred years.